new beginnings

What is it about all things new that we go all weak in the knees, warm in the heart and fuzzy in the head? New beginnings are like a nice newly baked chocolate cake. The excitement about the prospect of having that cake is greater and more fulfilling than the actual eating of the cake. And a few spoonfuls down the line, you even begin to wonder, what was all the fuss about anyways? Just think about the new year's eve party. All the excitement of getting the perfect dress, the drama of the preparations, the actual mad partying, the heady rush of the countdown, the stolen kisses, the passionate embraces - all about the intoxication of a new beginning, a new year. As if by making a song and dance of it we can actually will the future to be a melody.

I have been sent flowers for a new beginning. They are indeed lovely and the entire house smells wonderful. But that is exactly what my problem is. Such lovely gestures, the dull sense of mild freshness in the air, the feeling of being by something delicately beautiful, it fills your head with a a sense of blurred joy, a hazy happiness, something you cannot put your finger to. Its the sense of contentment that comes from the message that the flowers and the new year party and the chocolate cake are meant to signify - the message of all good things yet to come. They build expectations where perhaps none should exist. I know I will be killed for overanalysing this but don't expectations always come crashing down and havent we always learnt never ever ever ever to expect anything from anyone?

Now that I am already on the walk way to the guillotine, because A has asked me not to think about this and this is precisely what I can't stop thinking about, I would like to lay down another bit of lose thread to this web of common thoughts. Following on from what we just discussed, would it be logical to suggest that the bigger the song and dance, the bigger the drama and consequently the greater the expectations, the steeper is the fall? Taking the negativity a notch higher, would it be safe to assume that the moment you see an effort being made to project a glorious new beginning, you can safely run for your life?

hmmm. As is plainly visible, I am deducing all things bad and doomed from a lovely bunch of roses. hmmm. Last I checked roses were good things. Maybe this has all gone wrong. Lets write another more positive blog. Maybe this time it can begin with 'I just received the most wonderful bunch of roses. I am so looking forward to this new venture.'