The only way to do it

Get away, that is. The only way to do it is suddenly. Drop everything on your plate, except the baby, who in any case will be in your arms and not on the plate, and make a run for it. That is exactly what we did last Friday.

Not that we intended to, and that is the precise point. N had been grumpy lately, thanks to the not-so-nice after effects of the MMR jab. A quick trip to and chat with the doc revealed nothing to worry about. So when he got up Friday morning, whining and generally grumpy, A and I knew what the rest of the Easter break was going to be like - not very pleasant, to say the least.

A few phone calls, and we were off. Record breaking time taken in packing self, luggage and baby. All aboard A's much-loved automobile, and we were on our way to the Midlands, on a genuine, spur of the moment, fully impulsive getaway.

And what a wonderful time we had!

To more impulsive decisions - the ones that turn out alright!

Ladies in lavender

Few slow films have the capacity to move you so much. Ladies in lavender is a beautiful story about two sisters who rescue a young foreigner washed ashore. Their feelings for and around this young man make the movie. The direction is subtle yet crisp, the story flows slowly, gently but decidedly. Judi Dench and Maggi Smith are stars in their simplicity. The variety of emotions they are able to convey without speaking a word - acting at its best, at least from the little cinema that I have seen.

On another note, the picturisation of Cornwall, the sea, the pebbly sand, the rocky shores - oh what absolute beauty! The quaint village life, the tiny lavender wreaths on old china, the fireplaces and the cut-work on the cotton night gowns, what loveliness! I want to go to Cornwall and stay in exactly that cottage by the sea!

T asked me today if I had seen any new movies lately, and I told her, quite honestly, that I had seen one in the last twelve months. This makes it two, the other one being this.

The first birthday party

It came too soon. We celebrated with some close friends, lots of baby food for the little ones, and a very fruity cake.

I guess this is what they mean when they say, "they grow up so fast!". There is so much to catch, and such little time.

Of surprises, good and bad

• A valentine's gift when we had clearly agreed there weren't going to be any. And to top it, it was the one that I have been wanting forever, just never getting it, because I would never get it for myself. When I asked A why he did it, his reply was, 'because.' This husband of mine never ceases to surprise me.
• A nasty throat infection that took me by serious surprise. And then started getting complicated so I am on a surprisingly old antibiotic because of other issues. How bizarre.
• Is it a surprise that A has finished his course of antibiotics (yes we are a bit ill as a family) but is still as unwell as he was when he started out?
• N had his 12th month vaccination today and surprised us all by not uttering even the tiniest of squeals when the needle went in. Instead he looked surprisingly at the nurse, she too surprised for words at the boy who didn't cry when poked. A and I were beyond surprise - we had mentally prepared ourselves for a non-stop howling session. What a pleasant surprise!

Back to the grind

As a certain fast food company would say, 'I'm loving it'! Being back at work that is. So far, the balance suits be just fine - three days of getting dressed for work, the train, the underground, the commuters rushing about, the buzz of the city, the research, the policy debates, the happy colleagues, the cheerful office banter, the leaving on the dot to get to the nursery in time, the smile from the little fella as he rushes into my arms, the brisk walk back home and the big cuddles. All very nice indeed.

And then, four days of jeans and sneakers and t-shirts stained with baby food, the rushing to the library to be in time for Rhyme Time, the singing as we play, the peekaboos and the clap,clap,claps, the super fast crawling, the wanting to grab everything that attract's his growing fancy, the new tricks every day, the attempts at yoga that end up in giggly laughter, the cup cakes and the teas, the waiting for daddy to get back home so we can pounce on him. So much fun.

So a bit of a pause in this happy balance, caused by an irritable upper respiratory tract infection, is seriously bringing me down. Can't wait to be back to the routine again.

Connections

While I have been away on baby duty, some very interesting things have happened. And some exciting connections have been made, with people and ideas. It all started, quite benignly, here. And before I knew it, I was a convert.

Many many years ago, a then friend had insightfully suggested that yoga would suit me well. But you know how caught-up with our own mind-blocks we are as we strive to 'discover' ourselves, I never thought twice about it. What a waste of a good many years.

Not to worry. Three decades, two continents and one baby later, I think I am finally beginning to make sense of it all. I have managed a good deal of reading lately (honestly, no clue how) and my 'now reading' list is ancient - serious updates are in order.

Following on from my absolute addiction to the mindfulness cds by Jon Kabat-Zinn, it was only a matter of time before I started devouring his books. And this is how I discovered 'Everyday blessings - the inner work of mindful parenting' by the Kabat-Zinns. If there is one book that I have connected with with all my being, it is this one. The title does it little justice I'm afraid - it is one of the most amazingly warm, kindly written books I have ever read.

Sarah Napthali, here, tries to say the same thing without making much of a point or interesting read. Can be easily avoided if one wants to keep repetition and boredom at bay.

No, I don't meditate regularly though I would love to be able to at some point. However, this book by Pema Chodron makes you want to give up everything to free the clutter in your mind, to open your heart in kindness and to fill your lungs with happiness. Totally life-affirming, gently and brilliantly written.

As you might guess, I have had a million plus questions since mindfulness has woven its charms over me. Many a lazy afternoons have been spent with the babies climbing all over us, us attempting to balance tea and cake with super-inquisitive little ones eager to grab everything, and heart-warming chats about knowing ourselves for who we really our.

New beginnings

Day one of N going full time to nursery. I am struggling to find words to describe how it feels, as I have struggled to say anything for the last few weeks. Children between the age 6-18 months go through varying degrees of separation anxiety. N appears to suffer from a severe form of it. And so do I.

The new year has come and gone a little old already. When did this happen? I was busy battling snow, ice on the roads, a distressed 11 month old and my own feelings of despair at separation from him. The snow has gone, leaving behind a grey, dull fog. The weather seems to mirror my mind for the moment.

Yet, in the spirit of all things new, hope abounds all around, only waiting to be picked up and celebrated. I start work in a few days, A is expanding his team at work and life engulfs us in all its many shapes and forms.

Happy not-so-new year.

P.S. This photograph of the Big Ben was taken on a beautiful summer evening at Westminster in 2009.