Making

A scarf for Simba. He chose the yarn, especially the colour. He hearts yellow with a vengeance- my sunshine baby!

Christmas time

We are so looking forward to the holidays!

I did it.

Finally I did it. After months of going this way and then that, I finally decided to quit.

I didn't want to write about it till I had had time to come to terms with quitting a job that paid. Now that its been a couple of weeks since I did it, I am happy to say I am exhibiting no serious withdrawal symptoms so far. In fact, much to my surprise, I am convinced that I made the right decision. Since usually I don't feel this way about anything, I am pleasantly surprised. Hmm, maybe finally I am growing up.

It took a lot of courage to do it. The agonising 'what if' debates with self and spouse, the crippling 'this is the end of me as an intelligent, productive person' sobbing sessions, and the looking at the kids with 'what the hell was I thinking' looks only helped, I feel, in the making of the final decision. I had to admit that my job did not define me as a person, that 'what if' can be applied to pretty much anything in life/world, and that it is not about the kids, it is about me. Its been one hell of a soul-searching journey, and I think I came out at the other end ok.

My brother, in his usual tongue in cheek fashion, asked, "so you a full-time housewife now?" Ouch! That hurt. I hate to admit it but it really hurt. So I got thinking. How would I describe myself? I have hardly been a traditional wife. I have hardly been a 'home-maker'. But I have been a totally devoted mother. So, for the moment, I think if a label I must have, then I'd like it to be a 'full-time mum'. I can settle for that. Because that happens to be the reality of this moment.

And in all honesty, I am loving this new job. The people I work with are by far my most favorite-st in the whole world! :-)

I made this

Somewhere in the middle of my first pregnancy, I was hit by the creative bug. It surfaced time and again with varying intensity for the next two and a half years.

But the second pregnancy was a completely different matter. I walked around like a woman possessed, itching to make something beautiful from chocolate wrappers, stray ribbons, torn pieces of gift wrapping.

I'd been putting off quilting for a few years but the second pregnancy was having none of it. I had to (you see I didn't have an option) get myself a sewing machine, the rotary cutter and mat, the entire kit caboodle.

And quilt after quilt materialised out of the semi-formed ideas in my head. I shall hopefully get round to showing you pictures of these soon. The trouble is, sitting down at the computer is more and more difficult. I'm writing this post on my mobile.

So quilts, crochet blankets, swaddle blankets and stuffed toys all done. I got up one morning in March and just had to make pajamas for the kids. It just had to be done. You do realise that I have no control over these urges.

This is what I made.

Making sense of chaos

I struggle with change. I know that very well. But this time around the struggle is camouflaged by daily chores, the work that comes with takin care of two children, and the relentlessness of it all.

It's not helping that we have embarked on the life changing mission of potty training for N. He thinks it's a bloody waste of time, and will do anything to frustrate my attempts to civilise him just a little bit. Sigh.

I'm trying to remind myself that I love him. He's not in the slightest mood to make it easy. I have finally accepted that this one is going to be a long drawn battle.

A vase full of beautiful spring time roses ad a cup of tea are so what I need right now.

And in the backdrop looms that big ominous decision yet to be made/announced. Whether I'm going back to work or not. I'm do not good with this indecision phase. I so need to know what I will finally decide to do. Big sigh.

Teething

I think little M is teething. Or it could be wind. Or tiredness. Whatever it is, she is mighty cross. Which means she is mighty clingy. Which means N is annoyed that mommy is holding M too much. Which means N suddenly feels sad and wants cuddles too.

All of this makes for a very unhappy mommy. Too much noise, too much clinging, too much mommy, mommy, mommy.

Deep breathe. And another. This too shall pass.

Note to self: Remember, you love them.

Happy international women's day

This women's day, I am:

• Enjoying some good old fun time with a woman of tomorrow, my little daughter
• Thinking about what it means to be a woman, what it means to be me
• Thinking about what I want to hand down to my daughter, ideas, values and attitudes
• Smiling, thinking that she will probably have her own ideas and it is so much better that way
• The choices I have made, and those that I am about to make (a big one looming - watch this space!)
• Grateful for the education that I have had, enabling me to think for myself
• Letting the inner woman loose without any pre-designed agenda. At the moment, this female of the species only wants to make, make and make some more.

I am working on a crochet ripple blanket right now. Its taking its time and I am enjoying spending time with it, whatever time I'm able to sneak out for our warm huddles together that is.

What are you thinking of today?

Happy women's day to you!