Cakes and cuddles

We've had birthday parties, tears, days out and obscenely lazy days at home. Lots of reading, some knitting, starting work and feeling a bit lost, meeting with friends, and loads of drinking. 

It's been so full on I can absolutely completely not believe that we are only one week into the beginning of the send half of this school term. Once again, I really must enquire, where on earth is the time going? 

A glorious day

We are in the midst of the winter half term here. Which means that mommy and daddy are on full time duty - to entertain and amuse the kids. It's not really like that, but it feels like that sometimes. Like the day just won't end. Like if I heard one more word of whining or bickering I couldn't take it anymore. Like if I get one more "Eeeuw! this is yucky!" or "I am so bored!" or "Mamma! hold me!" for the millionth time, I would run away.

Sigh. Deep breathing. More deep breathing.

Today we were determined not to go down this well-trodden path. We went to another National Trust garden, and it was totally worth the effort. What a glorious day we had! The sun shone bright and warm. The sky was clear blue. The trees majestic in their bare nakedness. The landscape truly heartening, life affirming. I really needed this - being out in nature. It calms me like nothing else.

We've been to these gardens before but only done the bits that the kids wanted. Today we went for a proper walk. It was a lovely trek. Not too strenuous, but enough to work up a gentle rhythm, at a good pace. Simba is remarkably good at this kind of thing. Babi was on her daddy's shoulders a fair bit, but he wasn't complaining.

It was cold, but the sun seemed to make it all ok. It was the perfect day out. Please today, do come back again, soon!

Snow, and some

And just like that, it's February. Where is time flying to with such speed? 

We had some snow. Lots of it actually, and then, just like that, it was gone. But while it lasted, there was fun to be had. 

Cracking it big time!

Is this for real?? It does look like it is! Really REALLY real! Yes, that's me finally figuring out knitting in the round on double pointed needles. How cool is that!  I am on a serious high 😀

A perspective or two

I've been so awfully unwell this past week I doubt I've felt this bad an awful lot before. Terrible flu, GP refusing to give antibiotics, kids refusing to get off me, all in all it felt very much as if the universe was conspiring against me. I was soon proved wrong though. Everyone around me, husband, friends, everyone seems to be afflicted by these bugs and nasties doing the rounds. All kids are being adorable and painful simultaneously, and everyone has had tough decisions to make.

A sedative induced sleep has its benefits though. It leaves you in a blur, giving a unique perspective on things. It equalises things rather beautifully - nothing is too good, everything is equally bad? It was in that blurry state when I was fighting to close eyes and Babi was forcing them open that I realised that options are more often than not illusions that we entertain ourselves with. Like the concept of multiple universes, different options exist only in the realm of hypothesis. Reality is one. Tangible. True. Testable. 

And it was this realisation that gave me the strength to say no today. To an offer that was just short of derisory. It burst my bubble of "options". I choose to live in the world of reality of my own making, thank you very much. It has no frills attached, and is frankly quite barebone, but I think that has something to do with its honesty. It has taken me all this while and truckloads of strength to get here. Not minded to give it all up so easily. 

Babi made me this get well soon card. With lots of flowers in her favourite colours. Love love love! 

Comforting crochet

While things picked up a bit as the week came to a close, the weekend has been hit hard with bugs and viruses. Both Simba and Babi are down with colds and coughs. Babi has whined and suffered throughout the weekend feeling very miserable and sorry for herself. Simba cried through the night and kept us awake, wondering how we could help him, and therefore help ourselves get back to sleep. Babi, when she is unwell, is clingy. When Simba is unwell, he is clingy. And for some strange reason, neither wants to cling to daddy. Only mommy will do. Poor, exhausted mommy. Who would gladly be loved second best just this once. 

So we've been home, all other plans cancelled. Plonked on the sofa watching mind numbing telly. Thank goodness for crochet. It soothes, comforts, and reminds me that even on days like these when the kids make you wish you hadn't gotten out of bed, there are things of beauty and function to be enjoyed, savoured. The familiar rhythem of the crochet hook soothes disturbed nerves, like the company of an old friend. Like a warm cup of tea on a cold winter afternoon. Like the hum of the clock - friendly, constant. 

I see loads more reliance on crochet in the near future - doubt the kids will be going to school tomorrow. Thank god for small mercies. 😀

Just keep swimming

After a most frustrating week which revealed personal and professional limitations without any softening of blows, two things have helped restore the balance somewhat:

1. Good friends

2. Good wine

I have nearly made peace with the fact that things don't always end up the way one hoped/planned. And I have grudgingly accepted the reality that's staring me in the face - that I must embark upon the unknown once more. It is tough, no doubt. Counting on friends and wine to come through repeatedly! 

Then again, alongside the despair and gloom, I can't help but remember Albert Camus and the "invincible summer" he refers to so eloquently. Perhaps, there is hope yet, just maybe I still have the will to fight. In the words of the great Dorrie from Finding Nemo, I must, "just keep swimming".