I didn't want to write about it till I had had time to come to terms with quitting a job that paid. Now that its been a couple of weeks since I did it, I am happy to say I am exhibiting no serious withdrawal symptoms so far. In fact, much to my surprise, I am convinced that I made the right decision. Since usually I don't feel this way about anything, I am pleasantly surprised. Hmm, maybe finally I am growing up.
It took a lot of courage to do it. The agonising 'what if' debates with self and spouse, the crippling 'this is the end of me as an intelligent, productive person' sobbing sessions, and the looking at the kids with 'what the hell was I thinking' looks only helped, I feel, in the making of the final decision. I had to admit that my job did not define me as a person, that 'what if' can be applied to pretty much anything in life/world, and that it is not about the kids, it is about me. Its been one hell of a soul-searching journey, and I think I came out at the other end ok.
My brother, in his usual tongue in cheek fashion, asked, "so you a full-time housewife now?" Ouch! That hurt. I hate to admit it but it really hurt. So I got thinking. How would I describe myself? I have hardly been a traditional wife. I have hardly been a 'home-maker'. But I have been a totally devoted mother. So, for the moment, I think if a label I must have, then I'd like it to be a 'full-time mum'. I can settle for that. Because that happens to be the reality of this moment.
And in all honesty, I am loving this new job. The people I work with are by far my most favorite-st in the whole world! :-)
1 comment:
The challenge of bringing up two kids is far greater than any economic or financial challenge one might encounter. The trouble is that the fruits of taking on this challenge are not visible immediately and take a number of years to show - but they do show!
I am proud of your decision, more importantly, the thought process behind it.
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