Re-thinking

The thing is this - I saw this great documentary recently which has had me thinking a lot. Trouble is, it's off the air now and I feel like kicking myself for not writing about it here earlier.

The film is called 'The trouble with working women'. It explores the various views about women, work, and what is considered women's work. In doing so, as is perhaps expected, it raised more questions than there are straight-forward answers for. Men calling women the 'inferior' specimen of the species, women refusing to hire other women of child-bearing age, and men making pregnancy and maternity-friendly policies at work, house-husbands who have consciously chosen to stay at home and look after children while the wife goes out to earn for the family, women who started support groups for battered women and now believe that there is actually some such thing as 'too much equality' which goes against the interests of women, women working 19 hour days to have it all - the family and the career. Nothing new about it, just the approach of two rational presenters investigating why things are so complicated for women.

One voice stood out for me, and that's the voice I have been thinking about since. It was the voice of one woman who fought for women's right to equality in the '70s. Having believed in radical politics for the bulk of her life, she said she thinks differently now. Why? She said she would have thought and behaved differently back then too, if she had children then.

The gravity of that statement is immense and hit me only once I got thinking. It is a fact, one thinks differently once a child is born. New life is so completely dependant, it needs someone to give up everything to care for it, with one hundred percent focus. Whether one likes it or not, that is the fact. Nature has chosen the woman to execute that role, and as far as biology is concerned, I don't see any job-sharing happening. This is the crux of the problem, and it is around this fundamental that any debate over genuine equality needs to work. Whether it is brought about biologically or socially, equality has to address the gap that child-bearing and child-rearing create in a woman's life.

As the programme headed for a heartbreakingly depressing end, the only saving grace was the supreme optimism of the presenters - and their conclusion that though women earn less than men at the workplace, their lives are 'richer'. As I was about to boo the ending down, I held myself back. I know what they mean - a man can never understand what it means to have a line joining you with your baby, the attachment that you have for your child, and no, it is not humbug - by negating emotions so intensely felt by so many women we only trivialise our experiences. Yet we have a long way to go if women's lives are to be truly rich, if not richer - and equal pay for equal work is a good place to start.

Oh for some refuge in the non-controversial, less draining and rather uplifting world of natural phenomenon! If you, like me, are feeling entirely spent by the unfairness of the gender divide, I invite you to the wonderful world of weather, or rather, the wonderful weathers of the world. A series of documentaries study the science behind weather and it's historical understanding and how it influences our social behaviour. Off to have the mystery of the hexagonal snowflake revealed!

It's raining, it's pouring

Bleak, bleak weather. We had hoped to be able to have a nice day out in Richmond Park. No such luck - it is so miserable outside you are tempted to keep the blinds drawn. As we are held hostage inside the house by the rain, I wonder how this Sunday could be turned into something less than an absolute disaster.

First and foremost, the boy is his dad's responsibility for today. That should make things easier. Having sorted that out, I wonder what I should do. I could bake - something nice and tea-timey like a marble cake. Trouble is, I am too exhausted. I could crochet - the granny squares I have been intending to work on would be just the right stuff for a day like this, but I am too spent. I could read, or watch a nice documentary on iPlayer, but words and shots swim before my eyes in a blurry haze and I have trouble staying on top of the plot.

I think I know exactly what I will do - sleep.

What was I doing even thinking about the other stuff?

Lady Rose and Mrs Memmary

I must confess, I have become addicted to the collection published by Persephone Books. All the works are forgotten pieces, mostly the creations of women who failed to reach the heights of Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte. Reprinted by Persephone, these works have found new lives, new audiences and newer lights thrown on them - what is one woman's drudgery is another's liberation.

Lady Rose and Mrs Memmary by Ruby Ferguson sits nicely alongside the other Persephone titles. It is a gentle reminder of an age gone by, of the cruelty of social change and of the grace with which a life may be lived. Ultimately it is a novel about choices, about choosing, or not, to exercise them, and about living with the consequences of one's decisions. That Ruby Ferguson urges the reader to go no further from the point of no return is truly endearing. Of course, what happens after that plea is heartbreaking, but the author's way of leading up to the end is quite exceptional. While I suspected that there could be no other end, I still cried when I got to it.

Would I recommend it? Certainly. I daresay it is not going to be every one's cup of tea with it's old world ways, but I quite enjoyed reading it.

Balance

In conversation with

a weed by the bank

of the still river

running deep,

balance, of thoughts,

emotions, perspectives

and priorities

discussed, thrashed out

came to the conclusion

that precarious is

life's balance -

I wish I could make it better

for you and for me,

mostly for you,

that would make me happy

and mend my balance,

but as I watch

you

fight with yourself,

my precious love,

I lose all my own sense of

balance,

willing myself,

to be God,

hating myself,

because I can't.

Views and opinions

We are wasting a lot of our precious time these days. We are following the debates/discussions/tamasha baazi surrounding the Indian elections on television. After watching politicians skirt around issues for the nth time, and listening to analysts churn out the same old over-used and redundant arguments, I started wondering, how much do opinions and views really matter?

Having gone through a significant change in life recently, I am of the opinion that views correspond to one's particular station in life - you cannot appreciate the green-ness (or lack of it) of the grass till you really get to the other side. Therefore, one is entitled, as life progresses and newer experiences are encountered, to revise opinions, change views, and generally become more tolerant of both white and black. There is always something very strong going for grey.

In keeping with this particular line of thought, may I announce that I now truly sympathise with/understand the following:

1. New parents struggling to cope with babies, who incidentally are much more demanding of one's time and attention than I ever previously appreciated
2. New parents who appear completely absorbed in their own worlds and have no time for anything other than feeding/nappy changing/checking out the colour, consistency of baby's poo, etc - I now realise that there is no time for anything else
3. Women who are torn between family and career - it's one hell of a dilemma
4. Women who realise that there is no right or wrong choice for number 3
5. That you can be a feminist and like knitting and/or baking, crocheting, sewing and other crafts
6. That marriage does not necessarily have to end in a power struggle
7. That loving someone is not equal to losing the battle of the sexes
8. That it is ok to be in doubt, and not necessarily have an opinion on everything
9. That as long as your actions don't hurt anyone, it is ok to pursue whatever it is that makes you happy
10. That it is ok to feel like you might just die of happiness when your little one smiles at you

It seems like a long eye-opening journey. This bank holiday weekend, with it's unexpected, unplanned happenings, has ultimately been a very kind one. I can't say I've sorted it all out in my head, but it is definitely a start.